Setting Boundaries

Perhaps you were taught how to set boundaries at an early age. It seems I somehow missed that class and have been given the opportunity to learn this lesson through challenging experiences. Reflecting upon the year, it is clear that I either needed to learn to set boundaries or continue to experience painful circumstances.

Trust Your Gut

Although there were several experiences, two significant situations helped facilitate my understanding of the need to set boundaries. In both cases, my gut was telling me to "walk away" and my heart told me to "help others." As you guessed, I chose to follow my heart, telling myself I was doing what "was best" and the outcome in both scenarios was very difficult for me. These opportunities were my "wake-up call" to understanding... when other people have their own agendas, they will say and do anything to achieve their goal regardless of who they hurt.

Turning Point

There comes a point in time when the pain of an experience out weighs the commitment. If it feels good, do it. If it feels bad, stop. For many years, I greatly enjoyed volunteering and helping others. A few years ago, I began to give so much of myself to "help others" I forgot to care for my needs. Eventually, I would begin to feel resentful and angry towards others; I felt like people were taking advantage of my good nature.

Just Say No

Recently, it was suggested that I read a book entitled Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. The core concepts of this book were quite eye opening and have helped me identify past patterns. I am taking a fresh look at my life and either letting go of or reducing my commitment to people, projects and organizations that make me feel bad. I am learning to say no and being more selective about saying yes... I have gained a new-found freedom.

Saying no creates an opportunity for someone else to grow.

HUGS -Paulie